


What the fuck do you buy a teenage tree?

by zephsomething



Category: DC - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 16:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11672475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephsomething/pseuds/zephsomething
Summary: My roomate sent me this prompt please blame her:diana of themyscira, jessica jones, star-lord all walk into a walmart together to buy things for teen groot





	What the fuck do you buy a teenage tree?

**Author's Note:**

> First of all what the fuck  
> Second of all, this is nearly 600 words of the worst fic I’ve ever written.

“Why am I here again?” Jessica looked between Diana and ‘Star-Lord’ like at some point this trip might actually make sense. 

“Groot’s a teenager now so Rocket suggested we drop down to earth and get him some stuff.” Peter waved a hand vaguely.

“No that’s why you’re here.” Jesssica was already walking down the isle that would lead her to the coolers that held the good stuff.

“Should teenage tree boys have alcohol?” Diana asked from where she was trailing behind her. 

“Probably not!” Shouted Peter from where he was staring at a rank of shirts and looking confused.

“Who in the hell said it was for the kid?” She pulled out three bottles and dropped them into the cart Peter was pushing. “I don’t support teenage drinking.” 

“Which one of these would he like best do you think?” Peter asked holding up two shirts, one with some strange cartoon tictac one it and the other with a really old band Jessica was fairly certain was no longer relevant.

“He’s a tree no?” She raised an eyebrow. “I’m still convinced Rocket is playing an elaborate joke on you.”

“He’s a teenager.” Peter looked extremely offended, as though she’s just said something heinous. 

“Does he even wear clothes?” 

“Well I mean, he could?”

“But he doesn’t.” 

“Well fine what do you suggest?” Peter dropped the shirts back onto the rack with dramatic flair that even a teenage Trish would have envied. 

“I don’t know what does he like?” Jessica rolled her eyes, then glanced around as she realized Diana had disappeared while they were talking. 

“Music!” He snapped his fingers and started off down the aisle. 

Jessica was fairly certain at this rate her eyes were going to roll right out of her skull but she followed him as he tossed a boombox and a dozen cds into the cart. 

“Is this what kids use now a days?” He examined the cds with interest. 

“Not usually.” Jessica pointed to the other side of the electronics section, where the expensive things were stored behind glass. “Ipods are the big thing recently.”

“Huh.” He frowned at them for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah these look more durable.”

The Diana appeared next to them with a noise like air displacement and dropped a large bag into the cart, careful not to hit anything already in there. 

“Fertilizer?” Peter frowned at the bag and Jessica didn’t bother holding back her laughter. 

“He is a growing tree, on themyscira we would make our own but this is a fair imitation.” Diana patted the bag looking almost fond. “Though we never had young trees, only produce.”

“She’s got a point.” Jessica got out between gasps of laughter. “You know what Peter I’m glad I’m here, haven’t had anything to laugh at in a while.” 

“You’re welcome.” Diana patted her shoulder with enough force to knock over most humans. 

By the time they made it to the cash register Peter had added a dozen shirts, at least twelve different types of junk food, and three of those ‘books for teens’ that Jessica refrained from pointing out contained far more human anatomy than anything useful for a teenage tree in space. 

When Peter’s ship came to pick him up, well after Jessica had stashed her alcohol in her own apartment, Groot seemed far more pleased by the bag of fertilizer than any of the junk Peter had bought him.


End file.
